Travel Broadens The Mind, Doesn't It?

Regular readers may remember that last September I was given a week's exit visa and told to bugger off somewhere on the motorbike - details here, here and here. I ended up spending a few days in Denmark, and jolly good fun it was too. Since then, I have been looking round for ideas for another one. It looks to be too late this year, but next Spring ...

Reaction to my 'Places to Visit' posts seem to have been good, and this has given me an idea for a tour:

Visit lots of places with silly names and photograph myself standing by the town sign. It's never been done. I think. Nah ...

It would make for an epic blogpost, and perhaps my own retrospective at the Tate Modern or similar. Here are a few ideas, just out of my head:

First, get across to America, and plan a route to visit Bald Knob (Arkansas), Big Knob (Kentucky), get some Gay Head (in Massachussets), and go to Smelley (Alabama). Head North and visit Come By Chance and Dildo (Newfoundland), then head back to the US and go to one of Colorado, Georgia, Michigan, Minnesota, N Carolina, Pennsylvania for a Climax.

Next to Europe, and a circular tour going via Condom, Pissy, Nancy and Herpes (France), Buger (Majorca), Cunt and Piles (Spain - that's two separate places, in case you were wondering), East to Petting in Germany and Titless in Switzerland, South to Arsoli [1] in Italy and then North for Slut in Sweden, before heading for the Bergen ferry and back to the UK.

I'd probably miss out on Koolyanobbing [2] (Western Australia) and Long Dong (China) on the grounds of expense.

When back on British soil, the fun really starts. In Kent there is Dean's Bottom, Essex has Fingrinhoe, and Cambridgeshire has Yelling. Up the A1 and it's Fryup and Penistone [3] in Yorkshire, then onwards to Backside in Banffshire. On the way down the other side of England, you could call in at Cockintake (Staffordshire), Acocks's Green (Worcestershire), Lover (in the New Forest), and Splatt in Cornwall. (I'd love to visit Really Rocks, in the sea near to St Michael's Mount [4], but I doubt if there would be a sign to photograph.)

Then it would be back to Wales, where there is Splott (in Cardiff), Bell End, Penisarwaen and Fan-y-Big.

It's a long trip - perhaps a year - and a lot of petrol, but I think it would be worth it to push the boundaries of human knowledge in such a meaningful and creative way.

If you have any places I ought to add to the itinerary, please let me know.


[1] A plural, presumably.

[2] First encountered in Geography, year 2 secondary. There's a mine there, or something.

[3] I once spent an hour waiting for a train connection there, and the name imprinted itself on my consciousness. I still can't read it without thinking "ping!"

[4] There's another one.