If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

- George Washington

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Travel Broadens The Mind, Doesn't It?

Regular readers may remember that last September I was given a week's exit visa and told to bugger off somewhere on the motorbike - details here, here and here. I ended up spending a few days in Denmark, and jolly good fun it was too. Since then, I have been looking round for ideas for another one. It looks to be too late this year, but next Spring ...

Reaction to my 'Places to Visit' posts seem to have been good, and this has given me an idea for a tour:

Visit lots of places with silly names and photograph myself standing by the town sign. It's never been done. I think. Nah ...

It would make for an epic blogpost, and perhaps my own retrospective at the Tate Modern or similar. Here are a few ideas, just out of my head:

First, get across to America, and plan a route to visit Bald Knob (Arkansas), Big Knob (Kentucky), get some Gay Head (in Massachussets), and go to Smelley (Alabama). Head North and visit Come By Chance and Dildo (Newfoundland), then head back to the US and go to one of Colorado, Georgia, Michigan, Minnesota, N Carolina, Pennsylvania for a Climax.

Next to Europe, and a circular tour going via Condom, Pissy, Nancy and Herpes (France), Buger (Majorca), Cunt and Piles (Spain - that's two separate places, in case you were wondering), East to Petting in Germany and Titless in Switzerland, South to Arsoli [1] in Italy and then North for Slut in Sweden, before heading for the Bergen ferry and back to the UK.

I'd probably miss out on Koolyanobbing [2] (Western Australia) and Long Dong (China) on the grounds of expense.

When back on British soil, the fun really starts. In Kent there is Dean's Bottom, Essex has Fingrinhoe, and Cambridgeshire has Yelling. Up the A1 and it's Fryup and Penistone [3] in Yorkshire, then onwards to Backside in Banffshire. On the way down the other side of England, you could call in at Cockintake (Staffordshire), Acocks's Green (Worcestershire), Lover (in the New Forest), and Splatt in Cornwall. (I'd love to visit Really Rocks, in the sea near to St Michael's Mount [4], but I doubt if there would be a sign to photograph.)

Then it would be back to Wales, where there is Splott (in Cardiff), Bell End, Penisarwaen and Fan-y-Big.

It's a long trip - perhaps a year - and a lot of petrol, but I think it would be worth it to push the boundaries of human knowledge in such a meaningful and creative way.

If you have any places I ought to add to the itinerary, please let me know.

[1] A plural, presumably.

[2] First encountered in Geography, year 2 secondary. There's a mine there, or something.

[3] I once spent an hour waiting for a train connection there, and the name imprinted itself on my consciousness. I still can't read it without thinking "ping!"

[4] There's another one.


  1. Tongue in Sutherland is a must-visit place for North American lesbians. Their annual migration to that village is a sight to see, yes indeed. Girl-on-girl will never have any politically incorrect connotation for you ever again.

  2. You mean real Lesbians don't look like those ones on the internet? Oh dear.

  3. 'Twatt' in Orkney is a must see. I've got a pic with the signpost pointing at my head. Not sure what me ex girlfriend was trying to say ;)
    It's only a small village so not a lot of twatt's live there.

  4. I knew it was worthwhile posting this.

    Thank you.

  5. This could run and run:

    Minge Cove, NH, United States
    Arse, Arvert, France
    Wanker Hills, Manville, WY, United States 56140
    Bonk, Nieuweroord, Hoogeveen, Nederland

  6. Oh yes.

    Keep 'em coming (as it were).


Comment is free, according to C P Scott, so go for it. Word verification is turned off for the time being. Play nicely.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...