If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

- George Washington

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Superglue Protester

I read about this case on JuliaM's blog this morning, but I have been too helpless with laughter to respond until the evening. Now I have a meal and a drink inside me, the fire is lit, and I have calmed down, I will attempt to make a comment.


Police are trying to trace a customer who barged past protesters who were glued to the doors of a bank. Protesters had stuck one hand to either side of a doorframe and linked their hands to create a human barrier across the entrance of RBS bank in Castle Square, North Street, Brighton, during the Smash EDO protest on the afternoon of Wednesday October 13.
(If you want to know who SmashEDO are, have a look here. They are a pretty violent bunch of activists - the name kinda gives that away - and the website is full of 'smash' this and 'target' that - all pretty much standard 1970s student activist talk. Apparently, they want to 'smash' EDO, a scandal-hit American defence company owned by ITT and they think that stopping Mrs Mop from cashing a cheque to pay for the milk will help. OK, so generic anti-war protesters, then.)

Anyway, a group of these protesters decided to cause some trouble for RBS in Brighton, and superglued their hands to the bank's door frame. A customer presumably got a little frustrated and pushed his (or her?) way in (or out). The results were predictably painful:
Detective Constable Rex Petty said: "The protesters' barrier prevented people leaving and disrupted the work of the bank, upsetting both staff and customers. The pair left after a customer barged past the couple, who unwittingly caused the protesters' skin to be left on the doorframe.
Now, to be fair, that must have been very painful, and will probably be painful for some weeks until the skin has grown back. Just a minute ...

Sorry, just had to get a tissue. My sides are aching.

OK. The police obviously haven't identified the man, as they are "keen to trace" him, as he "may be able to provide further evidence". I'll bet. They've arrested the two people involved in the protest, so they'll be after the customer for assault occasioning actual bodily harm, I would imagine. Can you imagine the judge's summing up?
As you deliberately glued your hands to the doorframe, you must have been aware that this was a risky enterprise, and that anyone wishing to transact his normal business in the bank might have become impatient and pushed past you. The consequence of losing all the skin off the palms of your hands was not unforeseeable, and I therefore judge that you are the author of your own misfortune, and that no offence has been committed. I award costs against you of £500 to RBS for disrupting their lawful business, and £500 to the NHS for wasting their limited resources. The inability to wipe your own bottom or indulge in the practice of onanism for three months is a penalty which Mother Nature and your own foolishness have prescribed for you, for that is beyond the remit of this Court.
It won't happen, will it?

If they catch the guy who did it, he will be in the slammer for GBH and the protesters will be up for some serious compo, mark my words. I mean, how very dare anyone push roughly past some innocent people who were only engaged in a perfectly legitimate protest against the war machine?

I hope they don't, as the guy is a fucking hero.


  1. And SOCCO get free samples of palm/finger-prints; and, useful DNA sources too.

  2. Yes, nothing like helping the boys in blue by glueing your fingerprints to somewhere obvious. But it's the guy who barged past who is in trouble. The protesters were on the 'right' side, remember? If not, why are the police keen to find the mystery man? A few years ago, they would have shrugged and said, with a wink, "ah well, he's gone and there's not a lot we can do". Nowadays, they'll be after him for the crime of being unsympathetic to anti-globalism, and probably male and middle-class as well. Meanwhile, your car is stolen but they haven't the manpower to attend.

  3. That's taking the concept of sticking to your principles too far IMHO.

  4. Not a philosophy I wish to adhere to.

  5. I too had a good old laugh at Julia's posting and yours is a nice reprise of it to again raise a smile, maybe protesters should stick together safety in numbskulls eh!

  6. They sound like a bunch of full-time onanists to me, so that adds a rather delightful layer of irony to proceedings.

    Kind of a shame RBS didn't have revolving doors, though.

  7. ... and a Power Commander on the motor so you could crank it up to, say, 60 rpm. Just fast enough so they would have to run to keep up.

  8. Heehee, great story! I can't think of a good pun, they've all been used!

  9. We could make this an oh! pun thread ...

  10. Poor right wingers oh so put upon - the world has gone mad hasn't it?

    Well you'll be pleased to know the person in question is facing criminal damage charges for being ripped off a door, and the drunk ENA member who ripped him off is only wanted as a witness.

    It is peculiar how people who never deal with the legal system always think it is in someway biased towards the left or those who have been hurt whereas it always works in the defence of property and the people who defend it.

    I am not saying that the protestors deserve compensation (though maybe charging them for damage they had no control over is pretty stupid), but your anger at something that hasn't happened and never happens is peculiar and symptomatic of people who are just desperate to be angry bout something with no good reason.

  11. Anon, thanks for taking the time to comment. Contrary views are always welcome.

    It's a pity you didn't supply a link to the information your are giving, so that we could see the rights and wrongs a bit more clearly. I have Googled 'ENA' and come up with a lot of references (Energy Networks Association, Ethiopian News Agency ...) but I am guessing you are referring to the English Nationalist Alliance. That's the closest I can get, although the story doesn't have a nationalist angle that I can see - it seemed to me to be an anti-capitalist demonstration. And, of course, we only have your word for it that the guy was drunk. Even if he was drunk, and an English Nationalist, that doesn't seem to have much relevance to the main issue of the story - which is that people who do daft things have only themselves to blame when things go wrong.

    A couple of points in answer to yours:

    I am not a right-winger. I don't really fit into the Left-Right paradigm, as my main belief is in liberty of the individual and the desirability of a smaller State. This brings me into conflict with a lot of left-wing ideas, of course, and that is why you might think of me as right-wing, but it would be wrong.

    Why you assume that I have never dealt with the legal system is a mystery. Your evidence for that?

    And I was not angry when I wrote the post. I was amused - see the mentions of laughter and merriment above.

    Seriously, please come back with a link to some further information that isn't just hearsay, and we can take the conversation further. I would welcome that.


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