If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.

- George Washington

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

New Element

This has done the rounds before; I remember seeing it several years ago. But it seems to have undergone a kind of cyber-renaissance, and no bad thing that it has. It's as relevant and funny today as it ever was. The latest resurgence was at Jo Nova's place:

New Element Discovered

The CSIRO announced the discovery of a perverse, perplexing atom

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3-6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.



  1. And like radioactive fall-out, often contaminates the land & its people for years after its removal.

  2. Richard - was concerned, in catching up with your posts, to read about concerns at work. I just wanted to say that I hope all is well, or as well as it can be, whatever the situation is.
    I, like you, am a great believer in leaping and expecting something to present itself. Sometimes it takes a while and sometimes it's scary, but I see no point in being miserable.
    Anyway, one of the joys of this internet thing is that descent folk (like you) suddenly find lots of genuine good wishes coming your way in times of trouble from nice folk (like us) despite never having met.

  3. Awesome, I hadn't seen that one before. So true though.

    1. Crikey! That's really worrying, especially after the warning about Dangerous chemicals...

  4. OscarIndia, thank you, and you are right. It's very pleasant to receive good wishes from unknown, but valued, friends.

    As for work, it looks like the waste is going to hit the air conditioning. No worries - I've had worse!


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