Technical conundrum

Technical issue, and car-related, so if that's not your, er, bag, man, please move on.

Ford Mundaneo, 2 litre TDCi. A while ago, the reversing lights stopped working. I traced the fault to the switch on top of the gearbox. Getting at it necessitates removal of the air cleaner and associated gubbins. I removed enough stuff to determine what tools I would need (yup, got 'em) and then put it all back. As it was summer, I then forgot about it. Recently, the reversing lights have started working again, just in time for the dark mornings and evenings. Thank you, whoever you are.

However.

At around the same time (impossible to say for sure), I started getting issues with the car. One was the 'engine malfunction' light, which came on at start-up and stayed on permanently. The other was poor cold starting - the car would start OK, but for the first 10 seconds would run very rough and pour smoke out of the exhaust. After that, it seemed to clear and ran fine thereafter. Performance up to maximum speed was completely normal, fuel consumption normal too. I took these two together and came up with a faulty glow-plug or two - I've had exactly the same symptoms as before on a Land Rover diesel where a glow-plug went bad. As the car was running fine otherwise, I wasn't too concerned. It passed an MoT (with max revs emissions test) in this condition.

When the nice man at Enfield Auto Recovery in St Neots drained the nasty old petrol I had mistakenly put in the car at the weekend, he told me that the air-flow sensor had been disconnected when he looked at the car. Impossible, said I, as the car is running fine: easy cruising at 100 mph and averaging 50 mpg (not at the same time, obviously). Also, the connector for the AFS is on top of the engine, easily visible, and I see it every time I check the oil. The connector is about 12" from the oil filler.



Can I really have missed it every week for six months? What he said makes sense, as I can remember disconnecting it to remove the air cleaner, but a) he was convinced the car would barely run with it in that condition and it was fine, and b) it was replaced for the return journey and the EML stayed on, with no change in performance. Oh, and c) I am pretty rigorous about checking everything is in place after I have finished a job. Working on bikes makes you a bit particular like that.

However.

Yesterday I started the car again for the first time since I returned. It started perfectly, with no rough 10 seconds of throat-clearance. And the EML light is off. I've just tried it again now. Perfect. I am wondering if the garage really have cured the problem and it has taken a couple of heat cycles for the fault to clear in the ECU. I am delighted, of course. But I have a couple of nagging questions:

• Did I forget such an obvious thing when I took the air cleaner off in the summer?
• Can I really have missed such an obvious thing for six months?
• Would the car really have run this well with the AFM disconnected, and even passed an MoT?

I am thinking 'not very likely' to each of the above.

I think it will remain a mystery, but this will not spoil my enjoyment of having a car which starts well and runs without error codes again.

Mind you, passenger and load-carrying duties are over for a while now, so it probably won't be used again for a week or three. Back to two wheels, thank Heavens.

Getting a grip

I have a long journey over the weekend, picking up daughters 1 and 2 and D1's partner, and then taking them to the other side of the country for D1's graduation. And then back. Earlier this week I gave the car a good clean, as it had been used in true estate car mode for ferrying kitchen units to the house and piles of unwanted junk to the tip, and it was filthy. And as the car would be transporting a new Doctor Nowhere and her entourage back to her modest garret afterwards, I felt it incumbent upon me to make the best of what I had.

Part of the process was a quick check of all the usual, and I picked up that my rear tyres were on the legal limit. So today I rose early from my slumbers and visited ATS. £160 later, the Mundaneo had two new boots.

I had been considering winter tyres for the car after last winter's performance of Salchows and triple toe-loops every time it froze (a phenomenon I initially ascribed to the Ford's lousy grip and over-intrusive ABS, but which I later discovered may have conceivably been caused by virtually-bald front hoops), but for some reason winter tyres are all at a premium this year and not covered by any special offers, and were prohibitively expensive. Rosie has fitted a set, however, and I await her comments with interest.

ATS did the business, and I now have new Pirelli P7s on the front, looking very meaty, and the half-worn Michelins on the back. Plus a big hole in my bank account.

If they had been bike tyres, I would have paid the money willingly and been looking forward to scrubbing them in, and then reporting back on speed of tip-in, front end feedback, wet surface grip, squaring-off and all sorts. As it is, they are just car tyres, are phenomenally boring, and I resent every single penny.

Bikes are great, but cars are practical. When you have to get four adults 350 miles away and back in a weekend, nothing else will do. Any bike in the world, or train, or plane, or bus would not have the convenience and modest cost of a bread-and-butter Ford Mundaneo: you and your luggage, door-to-door, and 50 mpg full-loaded at the legal speed limit. The car has now achieved the status of appliance, much the same as my dishwasher. I keep it maintained, and as long as it keeps working I never think of it. I will keep it until it dies, and then I will get another. I like it, inasmuch as I like any machine that does the job it was designed to do, and does it well, but I don't love it, and if it was stolen tomorrow my only regret would be that I lost a few CDs in the process. And those tyres.

My journey to work tonight will be on a ratty old trailbike worth a few hundred quid at most, but I am looking forward to it already. If anyone stole that, I would be doing life for murder.

Rejoice, I say, Rejoice

For lo, mine chariot which hath the wheels of the number four, and four is the number thereof, has passed its MoT. And the passing was not of the passing kind, but displeased Pharoah's minion, for it involved a failure for headlight aim, which the minion thereunto addressed himself with a screwdriver, and which thereby was transfigured into a pass. And there was also an advisory in the land, which was the advisory that the brake discs were not of the shiny type, but were becoming rusty as becomes metal things which have not the joy of regular use, and great was the lamentation of it. But this was advisory only and did not corrupt the passing nature of the testing of Pharoah.

Congregation: For yea, we are pleased that the LORD has been gracious unto us.

And lo, great was the weeping and gnashing of teeth in the land of trees, for this testing and the proof thereof caused the felling of many, for presented unto my eyes were six scrolls, and the scrolls were green and pink and yellow, and the scribings upon them were manifold:

• Pass certificate in English and Welsh
• Failure certificate for the headlights in English
• Failure certificate for the headlights in Welsh
• Advisory certificate for the rusty brake discs in English and Welsh
• Emissions certificate in English and Welsh.

And lo, great was the joy of Richard of the tribe of Blog, for the LORD would now allow him to drive his chariot throughout the land, and not against the laws of Pharoah, who demandeth such scrolls or the driver of the chariot be cast into the darkness and fined many goats and cattle and sheep, yea, even unto the fourth generation.



Another happy car, today.

This, I can tell you, is a huge relief.

Memo to self: train as an MoT tester. Fifty big ones for 40 minutes' work. Not bad.

UPDATE: list of certificates corrected. Not quite as bad as I thought, when I actually got round to looking properly.

How much? Jeez ...

A couple of bits of news, both bad.

I took the car to the nearest Ford dealer for an examination and diagnosis. I got the chef d'atelier rather than the grease monkey, and he decided it was a sticky rear caliper. Up on the lift, the wheel would hardly turn until he gave it a good kick, and froze again when he applied and released the brake. Easy job, huh? Pistons half out, squirt of brake cleaner, rub with a toothbrush, job done.

Nope.

Main dealer - won't do quick clean-ups. New pistons needed - but the pistons are not available as a separate assembly, so I have to fork out for a whole new caliper. A whole new sodding caliper, at a total cost, fitted, with all taxes paid, of €642. That's over six hundred bloody quid. I took the step of phoning the Ford dealer near home and talking to a friendly mechanic there, and the problem is common (apparently) and the price, while much more than they would charge, is about right for France. Yes, French prices are waaaaaaaaay more than British, to an extent that amazes even British Ford people. And the mechanic advised (as I would have advised someone else in the circs) that, as the fault was brake-related and therefore safety-critical, that I should have it done and swallow the pill. I was tempted to risk it and fix it myself at home, but caution prevailed and I am booked in for Monday. That's the moules marinière budget out of the window, then,

And the second little ray of sunshine was Anna walking alone through the Reception of the campsite and tripping on a very small step, falling, and smacking her face on a concrete wall. She now looks as if she has gone 12 rounds with Tyson - I have seriously never seen a more spectacular black eye. All in all, it could have been far worse, as her back was completely unaffected, so we are laughing about it now. (The real worry is any damage to the spine could mean nerve damage and the rest of her life in a wheelchair, so I think we got off lightly here.) But everyone we meet, I have to explain and try not to look guilty. And I am not letting her out alone again - it's worse than living with a toddler.

I have a photo on my phone, which I will post in due course if she misbehaves again. It's a threat.

Thanks for all the comments, folks. Much appreciated.