High Standarts

Seen in Tesco recently:



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I 'did' Russian at school (failed with O-level grade 8, but it was a hard language with three genders and more cases than the carousel at Terminal 5, was my excuse), and it has left me with a few basic words and an ability to read - slowly - Cyrillic script. So if I ever see Russian written down I always try to read it out, even if my understanding of what it means is very limited. I like having a John Cleese moment.

I was drawn to these bottles straight away for this reason, amongst others. The script says "Russkiy Standart" ("Russian Standard" - Russian borrows heavily from English). But it was the prices that brought out the camera phone.

Tesco Value - 500ml for only£12, and 750ml for £11. Do you think they ever sell the little bottles? Don't answer that.

For Your Convenience

Tesco:

Buy a few items, arrive at self-service checkout. Put shopping bag in the bagging area. Press 'start'.

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Take shopping bag off shelf. All OK. Put shopping bag back.

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Well, how the fuck am I supposed to load my shopping if I can't put my bag in the bagging area? Carry it in my arms and put it in my bag outside? Balance it on my head? Eat it all straight away? The bag of ground coffee could be a problem, but no matter.

It's a shopping bag, you know, the ones you encourage us to bring along to Save The Planet. Your campaign, not mine.

These self-service checkouts are the most inconvenient devices I have ever come across in the name of 'a better shopping experience'. I wouldn't mind if they knocked 10% of the bill because you were doing half the work yourself. But no - it's just a reason to sack a few of those nice checkout ladies.